Dont forget to bathe. Mr ape.

This shit is dope man. I gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta get my hands on em. Oh yeah. Already did.

The damage? 370 ringgits+++++3 permanent holes in my wallet and 1 in in ma mama's heart.

Mother dearest:You siao ar? Spend 370 on a silly cap.
Me:Wat la. Nice wat. I learn marketing. I understand the added value la. Its worth the money. Trust me. Aiya you dunno one la.
Her: Next time you buy nonsence like this you earn your own money.
Me: Sure thing mum. NOT

Initially when i asked the guy he said it was 400 no less. But thanks to my bargaining skills i managed to bring it down by a measly 30. When asked whether it is 100% authentic Ichiban originated and not Ulukelang. The shop owner guarantied it to me with a promise of a 200% money back guaranty. Ahem nuff said.

Why wear a cap all of a sudden? Like my other head, the one that calls the shots 90% of the time, it likes to be free. By free i mean free to feel the not so cool breeze that blows by not so frequently. And by my other head i mean the one sitting in my pants. Yeah the one the size of your water bottle.

I like to feel the wind in my hair. More so, i like to feel a woman's touch gently stroking through my abundance of strong black hair i.e hutan hujan khatulistiwa. Heck, even more so if she just stroke my rod.

Now for the head. Yeah the other one. The one on top of my shoulders. Its coz i had the best haircut ive ever had in my entire life that i have to cover up my head with this masterpiece of a garment they call a cap.

Thanks to you my dear hairdresser. You are the best.

I told him i wanted my 30 ringgits back, and unless he wanted to taste the sweet taste of my award winning dish id given the name ze knuckle zandvich, he best do what i say. Sure enough, he curled up in the fetal position and started licking on his thumb.

This story really happened. Except for tha part i paid 30 ringgits. I only paid 10 ringgits.

Girls treat me good and i might buy you the pink one. And by good i know you know what i mean by good.

Good night now. byes

Au revoir

Her: I know you have something to ask me. Go ahead. Ask me.
Me: No i don't. I have nothing to ask you.
Her: I know you do. I can tell by the way you look at me.
Me: I really don't la. Eh, so when you wanna watch movie ah? (avoiding that question by changing topics)

What makes me wonder is how you can be so sure that i actually intend to ask you to be my girlfriend. That i will confess my feelings for you. That i actually have feelings for you. Is it that obvious by my actions. And how can you tell that it is all sincere?

Maybe i have been single for far too long. Maybe i have gotten used to my current lifestyle. Eating whenever i want to. Sleeping when i please. Going to classes only if i feel like it. Not having to care about anyone. Not having to make sure you are home safely or warm, fed and loved. Not having to answer to anyone but myself. Not having to commit, or to be in the position where i could hurt your feelings. Telling you that i am going to bed when i am actually not.

You are no stranger to my friends. Well, to say that is an understatement. You are by far the closest girl in the entire world to my network of friends besides their own girlfriends of course. It is no surprise as you are friendly, outgoing, open-minded and lovable. I am not bothered by it where jealousy is concerened because i have no insecurities. In fact, i actually find it great because not only i get to hang out with you, i get to hang out with my favoutitest peoples in the entire world and everyone gets along with one another. Win-win situation.

But, but, but, what if i am not able to be a super boyfriend that you expect or want me to be. What if im the biggest jerk-off ever. And i treat you badly. What if im unfaithful to you. No doubt that those guys will ask about it and being the lovable girl that you are you will gain their sympathy and ill get bashed left, right, up and down. Not that i am afraid of that. I know i have my bros to back my ass up. I just want to avoid these kinds of shits. No, not cause im pussy. But, for obvious reasons (i.e it is shits).

But what if i let you go? There is little doubt that you can make me happy. That you can take care of me and give me everything that i need and want. And i cant deny that i have feelings for you. And neither can i ignore the fact that there is chemistry between us. And the fact that i cant stop thinking about you.

Oh wait, how can i be so sure that you feel the same for me? Crap. I think its time for some sleep.

Au revoir

Trip down memory lane

I turned the ignition and my car started to roar. A few maneuvers and i was out of my house compound. I didnt know where i was headed to but i felt like i needed to get some air. I drove around my neighbourhood for a while and pass the basketball court which i used to play at. Glancing at the faces that were all too familiar, i drove on. It occured to me that it would not be such a good idea to sit around and watch my one-time basketball rivals play basketball. The taunts, thrash talking and egoistical outrages on the court were all too fresh in my memory banks.

Soon, i came across a playground that has swings and a fairly big open field. Instantly, i felt that this was the place that i wanted to take a breather. I got out of my car and headed for the swings that were rectangular in shape and had the words 'play time' on them. The feeling of the metal chains that held the swing to the bars above pushed on tightly upon both sides of my butt was a tad painful but bearable. Apparently, i have grown in size unlike the width of the swings.

I sat on that swing and started to reminisce of the old days. It has been a while since i came here. This was no ordinary playground, it was my playground. My younger days revolved around many a thing but none as significant as this playground. Everyday i would look forward to the evenings during which i could head to the playground and play with my friends be it football, catch or gayful chatter.

It seems that not much has changed since the time my friends and i were comman faces on these grounds. The monkey bars that none of us could get from one end to another without falling, the tunnel slides that we once climbed on top of and sat on, the blue plastic roof shaped like a pyramid that was the only shelter in the entire playground which we would hide from if rain decided to pay us an unexpected visit , the swings that we used to compete to see who could swing the highest, and the seesaw that we would stand on and shake to see who could be the last one standing were all the same as it was back then. I am not very old but it has to have been around 9 years ago.

Looking around me, it seemed to me that nothing has changed. The only thing that has was me. I have grown taller, my looks have certainly changed, my thoughts have matured, and become far more complex, and i have far more responsibilities than i had back then. It was clear that the 9 years of time has taken its toll on me while time must have been frozen for the playground. Certainly, if these monkey bars could speak it would tell of the countless young ones who came, stayed, and left this playground before growing up into men and women. Having to age with time unlike themselves who stay constant to the effects of perpetual time.

So many friends i made while playing on these grounds. Some of which are my best friends today and some others i do not see but miss dearly. This was also the place where my childhood dream of becoming a professional footballer was born. Dribbling pass defenders seemed to be a breeze and i felt that i had what it took to play for United alonside David Beckham. But my dream was soon dashed and disintegrated into ashes when my father explained to a young lad of how only one in a million people are like David Beckham. Imagine being a young child with dreams as high as the stars and being told you cant reach it. Sure, it may be true about what he said but i still think he should have given me the encouragement to at least have a shot at my dreams.

As the sun began to set upon the horizon and be outshone by the moon, i recalled it being time to head home when i was younger. Instead, now i feel indifferent as i spend a lot of my time outside at night and my bed time was far far later than it used to be. I felt at peace, i felt a sense of tranquility and calmness.

As i left, the thought of when my next trip to my childhood playground would be and how much more i would have changed then lingered in my head.

Finito

Its finally over. Not like i study alot, even a bit for that matter. But its finally over and done with. No regrets la. i had my fun going through exams also. Studying in the very last minute as i always do because why? because its damn exciting la. Got kick. Leaving home half an hour before exam..because why? GOT KICK LA. Monday really got kick. Because monday has the worst traffic jam in the whole week.

I was stuck in de jam for half an hour and when i finally hit NPE, it was already 8.30. What time exam start? 8.30 lo. If you happen to be stuck in a jam like that, one that allows you to move 3 inches every two minutes, you tend to become a little bit frustrated and then you( i) start to become a bit fierce also. So there i was maneuvering my car from lane to lane, seeping into every small opening possible, just to get ahead. Ya, i was minding my own business and this mortocyclist( also very fierce already), somehow i must have blocked his way. But after he overtook me, he had to bang my car's bonnet a few times only puas.

So there i was, shocked. That made my blood boil, which hardly ever happens. So instinctively, as a caveman, i had to run him over. If i didnt, then i would lose all face. And as i ran back and forth over his body, i yelled:" HAR BANG MORE!BANG MORE!MUHAHHAA". So there laid his carcass. Like common roadkill. It didnt take long before flies starting hovering around it. Snap back to reality. Well, i was pissed la. But he sped off after hitting my bonnet. And there were so many cars i could not play predator and hunt down my prey while slowly enjoying the kill.

I dunno why i so kind always give way to people and motorcyclist and end up being treated this way. SIGH HAHAHHAHAAHAHA.

Then there were those men in white. aka mata. aka hantu. aka opportunist. aka underpaid government workers. aka NO RASUAH. aka CIBAISOHAIMOULANJIAOKANINEH. They were catching people using the emergency lane. What they didnt know was that i was really in an emergency.

But, even so, i quickly go back into a normal lane after spotting them like all the other cars. Then i thought to myself. Ken, this time your luck run out already. And i thought. Ok. If they catch me, i will just say, BANG, haih. Bawa saya gi balai dan gantung saya sampai mati aja la. SOB. But of course my luck still with me la. They caught the people in front and not me.

Sometimes its just abit unreasonable. Already everybody is stuck in the jam and late for work or in some cases, late for exam. Please let us use the god damn lane lar. Its not like got ambulance, which would be nice to tailgate in such situations but pity the patient who could probably die before reaching the hospital. And, using the emergency lane does not harm anyone nor does it cause any destruction on public property. They just want to collect 'bang, boleh settle?' money. Sigh, disgraceful. BUT, peace okey? you didnt catch me before and remain that way ya. TQ

Someone famous once said:"The finish line is a whole new starting line". True, but the good thing is we can take a break in between finish lines.

3 weeks i think. 3 weeks of break. What to do? What to do? So little time, so many people to save. Since i like to be random and totally spontaneous, i really have no clue where i might end up. I made a promise to me bro to go down with him to Singapore. Who knows. Who knows. What i know is i aint gonna plan anything because, its the spur of the moment that i live for. And as fickle as christmas tree lights, i do change my mind a lot. Who knows? i might even get a job. Blowjob that is.

Innocence

Her: When is your birthday ah?
Me: March 32nd lor..why?
Her: Nothing la. Just asking. *Grins*
Me: You better not forget it ah. Or else i will be very disappointed.
Her: I wun la.
Me: You better write it down on your white board so you dont forget.(She has a white memo board pinned to the staircase railing)
Her: Okey. *writes "GOR GOR's birthday-March 32"
Me: Good girl la. Guai ar. *thought to myself MUAHAHAHHA SOH MUI*

A few days later
Her: You bluff me. Your birthday is not March 32nd. Its March x2.
Me: Oh you found out. Hehehehehe
Her: You bluff me ar..*she corrects the white memo board*
Me: Then ar..whats on March 32nd then?
Her: How i know la?

-.-

For the old man

Warning: Boring post ahead

When i was four or five or...when i was tall enough, i can't remember. But what i remember was one morning, while i was having my routine wee wee after just waking up, my dad came to me and he said:" son, you don't have to sit and pee anymore, we as men, can stand up while urinating." And he taught me how to pee standing up. He guided and instructed me and after that ive been peeing standing upright ever since.

Probably around the same time, i used to follow things my older sis did all the time. One of them was keeping long finger nails. And one day when my father saw how long my nails were, he told me that i had better cut them short or risk being labelled as a sissy girl.

Peeing standing up and having short finger nails are things men do. But those things do not define a man. These things can be taught. To be a man, a young, impressionable boy has to be in the presence of real men. Lucky for me i have a very manly dad. And the best dad around as cliched as that sounds.

Dad is the most responsible being on the face of this earth. He does everything that is obliged for him to do without ever complaining. He pays for those bills bills bills and more bills by working his ass off nearly 12 hours a day and has been doing so for half an eternity. Why does he do this? Work his ass off day and night and get more white hair, while he can just bum at home or play golf or go to a club and pick up a young gold digger. That's cause he knows a thing or two about being responsible.

Dad is also the most ethical person on earth. He has a strong sense of right and wrong. When it comes to those damn summons, obeying the law on those tinted car windows, or making moolah, he is always looking to do it the most lawful and respectable way. Unlike me with my damn summon chucked in my glove compartment for half a year or so. And yes, it is faded.

Dad is also the most rational person on earth which makes him very the boring also. All the decisions that he makes are the most rational and the most conventional. Well, at least in his eyes. This is not necessarily a good thing because instead of saving all those moolah by making the most rational decision that the depreciation rate of cars are damn high, well, poor me cause i don't get a sports car. He is not the least bit extravagant or showwy as he knows better.

You won't believe this but dad has never touched a ciggerette in his life. By touch i mean puff. And he avoids alcohol at all cost. I dare say in my whole life i have never once seen him drink anything remotely alcoholic. He finds entertainment and joy in spending time with his family. He also enjoys(well, i assume) fixing things and building things DIY style around the house.

Sounds like the most boring human being on earth huh? On the contrary. I see him as passionate about making life for his family a comfortable one. I see him as determined to one day see his children become successful business people. I see him as being the best damn example for a child. Who not only supplies the family with all the necessities, but also advice, comfort and love.

Responding to issues with the decision-making prochest process

Studying in university is many things. But definitely not a bed of roses like the way i portray it to be. At times, it can be demanding, tiring and even intimidating. Other times, it is just plain dull, boring and monotenous. I guess that explains the amount of classes that i skipped(late nights and clubbing outings aside) =PPP.

It seemed like just yesterday that i enrolled in this god forsaken, leng lui deprived(except for u girls wink*) university that claimed to be alot but well, surprisingly lived up to its name of being top notch in the education department. However, it seems to be otherwise for all other aspects that really matters such as social and entertainment aspects.

And as the semester draws to a close, and the exam flu starts to kick in, i cant help but want to slack even harder. But hey, that does not mean that i've learnt nothing. Although at times we do doubt the relevance of our syllabus for practical uses, more often than not, it is functional.

For example, in the subject of Managing People and Organizations, under the chapter of planning, there is a concept called the decision-making process. It is a systematic and thorough way in which managers perform to resolve issues. It consists of 8 steps and every manager uses it somewhat.

However, if you are not or do not become a manager some point in your life, don't fret. You can still use this very canggih concept in your everday life.

Take Ah Boy for instance. He is a good looking chap with alot of charm, style and moolah. He is having difficulty choosing between the many many different types of girls. So,i suggested to Ah Boy and i even assisted him in using the decision-making process so he can make the best decision.

Step 1: Identifying the problem
This concept begins with the existence of a discrepancy between an existing and a desired state of affairs. For Google’s Ah Boy's case, the discrepancy is that there are too many fishes in the sea until he dont know which to throw his cock bait at.

Step 2: Identifying decision criteria
The decision criteria are important in resolving the problem identified. That is, deciding what is relevant in making a decision and to guide his decision. Ah Boy would have identified the criteria of facial features( i.e leng lui or not), kawaiiness, difficulty of courtship, intelligence and of course, bootyliciousness(how big).

Step 3: Allocating weights to the criteria
Then, Ah Boy must weight the items in order to give them the correct priority in the decision. For simplicity's sake, Ah Boy has decided to weight the criterion with a weight of 10

Ah Boy views bootyuliciousness as the criteria with the highest importance because big boobs and a tight ass is very attractive to him. Cannot blame him also. Because the more he is aroused, the more he would want to make love and that increases the chances of creating more offspring. Blame mother nature.

Intelligence is of the least importance as Ah Boy didn't do too well in his studies and feels abit insecure and intimidated by smart girls. Poor Ah Boy.

Step 4: Developing alternatives
Ah Boy is then required to list viable alternatives that could resolve the problem. Ah Boy has decided that possible alternatives are to date an Ah lian, the brand conscious socialite type(high class chick), the university/college girl next door, the high school rebel and the foreign chick.

Step 5+6: Analyzing and selecting an alternative
Once the alternatives have been identified, Ah Boy must critically analyze each alternative by appraising it against the criteria to view the pros and cons.

After all the criteria have been weighted and analyzed, we choose the alternative that gathered the highest total. Not so surprisingly, Ah Lian wins it hands down. You have to admit some of them are very desirable.Step 7: Implementing the alternative
This step is putting the decision into action. Ah Boy then goes to Sungei Wang in search for his Ah Lian. He hung out at the video game arcade for some time. It was love at first sight for Ah Boy when he laid his eyes on Yuki. He mustered his courage and went up to speak to her. Thanks to his charm and charisma, he got her.

Step 8: Evaluating decision effectiveness
10 years and 4 children later, they are still very active bunnies. Nuff said.

Goodbyes.